


Death Trap

by Niall_Princess_Horan



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Bullied Niall Horan, Confused Niall, F/M, M/M, Nerd Harry, Popular Niall, Sad Niall
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-09
Updated: 2018-02-18
Packaged: 2019-02-12 14:03:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12960915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Niall_Princess_Horan/pseuds/Niall_Princess_Horan
Summary: Do I love her? I mean I thought I did and then Harry came along with all his perfection and threw all my opinions and ways of life out of the window."You suppose? Wow. Hope you don't show her all this enthusiasm" he laughs." 'S all yer fault" I snap."Mine? Why's it my fault you don't love your girlfriend?" He scoffs." I mean- I t'ink I- like ye""You think?" He asks softly looking me In the eye. I nod softly."Why only think?" He asks kindly. He's not laughing at me. He's kind and supportive. The kind of way a friend should be.I just shrug."You said you aren't gay" he points out."M not. Never even t'ough' 'bout anot'er boy 'fore. 'Cept you. You make me question everyt'ing I am" I day honestly."How- how do I make you feel?" He asks quietly.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [My - freakin - self](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=My+-+freakin+-+self).



> I'm actually super excited about this one!
> 
> Lemme know what you think!!

Niall pov

"Nialler hurry up" Louis hollers as races ahead of me and slaps me over the back of my head as he passes me.  
"Oi dick 'ead t'at 'urt" I grumble but walk a bit faster as we are running late again and coach will kill us for missing warm ups.

"me me me. Bla bla bla T'AT 'URT" Louis mocks as he jogs back to me and stops right in front of me.  
"Walk t'en. T'ough' we were late" I mutter and nudge him to keep walking.  
"We are nialler my boy. We are. Hey isn't that styles' car?"

"Yeah. T'ink so" I grumble as I glance over at the black corsa. It's a very clean car but it has a lot of.... problems. Last week it was the window that wouldn't wind up. A few weeks ago there was a leak in the petrol tank. A few months before that the brakes were faulty. You get it. It's a hazard. It's a death trap.

"He's left his lights on. Twat" Liam scoffs.  
"Bless. Ah well. No harm done"  
"It'll drain t'e battery" I frown and stop walking.  
"What?" Liam mutters and looks at me like I have two heads.

"Leavin' t'e ligh's on. It'll drain t'e battery" I repeat. I told them both months go I was doing a course on mechanics so I can go into that after college. Shows how much they listen to me and my interests.

"How'd you know that?" Louis laughs.  
"Never min' " I sigh and head up to Harry's door. He's very.... how do I put this.... weird? He's full of tattoos (So are Liam and louis) but he's got really long hair that he's always got in a man bun or in plaits which is weird on a man. He's younger than me but like 6 foot tall and really all muscle but he's got no coordination what so ever. He's always decking it over his own feet or forgetting how long his limbs really are. As I said, weird.

"Hello?" Harry mumbles as he opens the door. Shirtless and with a mouth full of toast.  
"Hiya mate, you've er- lef' you're light's on. On yah car" I mumble as I try not to stare at his chest. I'm not gay. Not even curious. Never even had a second thought about a boy. And then there's harry. Harry who is adorable yet manly. Harry who is huge yet so small. Harry who is... making me question my entire sexuality by being topless.

I look at my shoes.

They're a little muddy and could do with a clean. That's from the footy I guess. Wouldn't expect a football player to have clean shoes. Would think he didn't do anything. And why aren't I wearing matching socks today? What's going on that. Whys one blue and the other green? Did I get dressed on the dark? And is that a bruise or mud-

"Oh shit. Thanks niall" Harry pulls me out of my thoughts by skipping past me and turning the car lights off.

"You know me?" I mutter as he comes back for his Chelsea boots and slips them on.  
"Yeah. I know you. I mean- I see you- seen you! I've seen you at um college" he stutters then laughs lightly.

The way his eyes crinkle up, makes me want to smooth them out. The way he speaks, such a raspy and melt in the middle voice. The way he pronounces certain words makes me want to pronounce them that way. I want to run my fingers though his chocolate curly hair that he's left down today which is rare. His lips curl up into a perfect curve and I want to taste them. See of they taste as good as they look. See if they taste like strawberries and apples like I've imagined they do-

No. Snap put of it niall. You haven't imagined it.

I blink a few times and Harry coughs nervously before walking slowing to the car.

"Want a lift?" He asks as I walk down the path to find Louis and Liam have gone. Great friends they are.  
"Oh. Um- can't- 'ave footy" I say lamely. When did he put a shirt on? I mean I'm not complaining because now i can concentrate on what I'm saying. Not really because now I know what's underneath and I miss it. I wanna run my fingers over those toned abs and trace every single tattoo whilst he tells me what it stands for.

"I know. At college. Which is where I'm going" he frowns a little but shakes his head with a smile. That's the thing about harry. He's beautiful on the inside as well as the outside. Like now? 

I'm being a complete div and he's not laughing at me or calling me weird or stupid.

"Are you okay niall? You seem a bit distracted" Harry asks softly and grabs my arm softly. I flinch as his hand touches my arm as my stomache does back flips and my head goes dizzy. Harry notices and he frowns as a flash of hurt dances across his face.

"Okay. I get it. Not cool enough for you to be seen with me" he sighs and heads over to his car. He doesn't sound angry or hurt or jealous. He sounds disappointed. Like he expected more from me and I've let him down. And that isn't a feeling that sits well in my stomach.

" 's not t'at" I say quietly. Half hoping he doesn't hear me so I don't have to explain. The way he stops walking and turns to face me tells me he did. He heard me.

"So what is it? Have I upset you?" He frowns.  
"No. Course not 'arry. I 'ardly know you" I mumble.  
"And you think I'm gonna murder you in my car on the way to college?" He laughs gently as he shakes his head again. It's not an angry shake. More like a 'that's insane and totally ridiculous'.

"No I jus'. 'M not gay" I whisper.  
"I'm giving you a lift to college for your stupid football training. Not forcing myself on you in the back of the car" he scoffs then adds on "just because I'm gay doesn't mean I go after every guy I see. It's also not contagious" he half snaps looking to where I'm cradling the arm he grabbed.

"G- good. 'M datin' Ellie an'way" I stammer.  
"Yeah. She's gorgeous isn't she" he grins and nods towards the car.

I nod and climb in the passenger side reluctantly.  
"Yeah. Pretty"  
"Not very nice though" he adds on as he starts the engine and sets off.  
"Oi- watch yer mout' " I warn but there's no heat behind it.

"She isn't. She laughed at Jodie falling over. She really hurt her arm. Also, she threw paint in Oliver's hair during art" he said pointedly.

"Are ye' jus' gonna give me a lecture on me girlfrien' cos I'll ge' ou' 'n walk" I grunt.  
"Your accent goes all think and broad when you're pissed. You know that?" He laughs as he indicates and turns right.

"Ye' 'm Irish, an' what" I mutter.  
"Haha. It's cute" he smirks. The sexy smirk. The one that makes my jeans slightly tighter and my brain go all fuzzy. To the point where my mouth forgets how to speak. Words. Speak words. Anything. Nope. My brain is mush.

"So, how long have you and Goldin been dating?" Harry asks as he turns right again.  
"Um- a year? 'R so?" I mumble. In all honesty i dont know.  
"You don't sound too sure" he comments.  
"Why d' ye' care. S'not like we're friends" I grunt.  
"No suppose not, but you don't seem too into her considering you've been dating a year. Do you love her?"

"Ye. S'ppose" I mumble. I'm not sure. Do I love her? I mean I thought I did and then Harry came along with all his perfection and threw all my opinions and ways of life out of the window.

"You suppose? Wow. Hope you don't show her all this enthusiasm" he laughs as he parks the car into one or the college parking bays.  
" 'S all yer fault" I snap.

"Mine? Why's it my fault you don't love your girlfriend?" He scoffs.  
"I do. You jus' make me question everyt'in' 'bout me-self" I reply.

"Why? What do you mean?"  
" I mean- I t'ink I- like ye"  
 "You think?" He asks softly looking me In the eye. I nod softly and look down at where my fingers are locked together on my knee.

"Why only think?" He asks kindly. He's not laughing at me. He's not judging me or telling everyone or showing of that he knows everything. He's kind and supportive. The kind of way a friend should be. The way Louis and Liam aren't.

I just shrug as a response.

"You said you aren't gay" he points out.  
"M not. Never even t'ough' 'bout anot'er boy 'fore. 'Cept you. You make me question everyt'ing I am" I say honestly. Relieved I can finally talk to someone about this. Someone who understands and will listen to me instead of talking over me (louis) or brushing it off to the side (liam)

"How- how do I make you feel?" He asks quietly.

"Like- like I wanna kiss you. All t'e time. An' I wanna go out- like t' t'e cinema or bowlin' or somat. I- I wanna know w'at it's like- t- touchin' you" I whisper to my hands.

"Niall? Do you want to kiss me now?" He asks carefully.

I nod my head and close my eyes as the first tear falls. I wipe it away swiftly.

"Why are you crying?" He soothes and wipes my tears with his finger.  
" dunno. 'M 'fused"  
"It's understandable. Have you spoke to anyone about these feelings. Liam or Louis or your parents?"

"Louis only talks when it's about himself. Liam brushes everything to one side to deal with later. Me mam is set on me marrying Ellie and me dad is always working"

"I didn't know you're engaged" he frowns.  
"M not. Ellie- she was me first time an' me mams quiet traditional with t'e fact I should marry her out of respect, Cos we fucked out of wed-lock"

"Ellie took your virginity?" He repeats.  
"Fer fuck sake. You not listenin' to me? Yes. She took my virginity" I snap.  
"Sorry. I am listening niall" he apologises and than I feel bad.

" 'm sorry" I mumble as well.  
"I'm just suprised I think. I thought you lost it to  demi when we were in year 9?"  
"No. It was 'bout 2 months ago actually" I laugh softly but still feel shite.

"Why did she lie then? She went around lying- telling everyone you fucked her and you let her? Why?"  
" 's easier than admittin' I chickened out" I say honestly.

"You got a lot of shit for that. Her dad put you in hospital. You were expelled for 2 weeks! Her brother poured his curry over your head in the dinner hall and it took three days to get the stains out of your blonde hair!" 

"Wow. You 'member all t'at but you forget t' turn yer car ligh's off" I note bluntly.

"Why didn't you just tell the truth?" He sighs.  
"Wha'? Tell everyone t'at I was 'posed t' fuck her and chickened out after I couldn't figure out how to use a condom?" I half snap half sigh. I should have told the truth. I know that. It's too late now and it won't change the past so why bring it up?

"And she blackmailed you?" He asks slowly and I can see the gears turning in his head.

"She said if I wasn't actually gonna do it - I should a' leas' pretend. She wanted t' get on the cheerleading team and that was her initiation I guess"

"You took all that shit and bullying so she could flounce around half naked with pom poms? And she's Ellie's best friend?!"  
"Wha's it matter?" I grunt and grab my bag to leave the car.

"Niall! You can talk to me. If you need to open up about things. I'll listen" Harry says softly as I climb out of the car.

"Talkin's t'e las' t'ing I wanna do" I lie, closing the door and heading to the locker room to change and catch the last hour of practise.


	2. Chapter 2

Niall pov

I head straight into the locker room and strip out of my jeans and shirt then throw on some joggers and a different shirt. I chuck my bag in my locker and run out onto the field hoping No one notices I've missed half the training session.

They do. As soon as coach sees me he shouts at me.

"Horan! Where the hell have you been?"  
"Sorry coach. Forgo' me trainers. 'ad t' go home an' get 'em" I lie.

"Right. Three laps as warm up then you're on Tomlinsons team" he snaps. I nod and set to running round the field. I hate running. It's so boring. Especially alone. It's just like - hey look at me- I'm running around a field -on my own. Like an idiot.

I join Tommo once I've done that and get a load of shit from him.

"So who blew Who?" He laughs.  
"Wha' ?" I grumble and kick the ball the dave.  
"Well- you went to styles house and turned up to practise an hour late. Who got lucky?" He laughs.  
"No one. 'e gave me a lif' after you and payno pissed off and lef' me" I snap.

"Awe chill out. You were chatting up your boyfriend. I don't have time to babysit you. Just be greatful I didn't tell coach you came to college in the trainers that you 'Forgot " he mutters then walks over to where Joey is.

I sigh and head over to the locker room.

"Horan? Where are you going now?" Coach snaps.  
"Locke' room" I sigh as I walk past him.  
"Niall? What's with you today? You're one of my best players and you're all over the place. You're distracted" coach says a bit softer as he stops me leaving the field.

"Jus' got a lot Goin' on a' t'e moment" I sigh.  
"Go on kid. Head off early I'll see you Thursday. But niall I'm here if you need to talk"

"T'anks coach" I half smile and head over to get changed. I strip out of my shorts and shirt and throw them in my bag and get my jeans and clean shirt on. I grab my stuff and head to the common room to do my mechanics homework.

 

The rest of my morning is quiet. I run into Louis who shoves me out of the way and laughs when I drop my English essay and all the pages get muddled. I sigh and lean down to grab the pages. Not bothering to put them in order - I just grab them all and stuff them in my bag in a ball. I'll sort them later.

Lunch is no better.

"Hey baby" Ellie grins as she grabs my waist and forces her tongue in my mouth. Normally I don't mind making out with her at lunch but today I'm not feeling it. I kiss her softly before pulling away and sitting down.

"Well you're being weird. What's wrong?" He frowns as she sits next to me.  
"Nothin'. jus' - hungry." I lie and take a bit out of my sandwich.

"Awe- you're always hungry baby. Maybe later I can help you work up a proper appetite" she smirks and wiggles her eyebrows suggestively. 

I chew the mushy sandwich in my mouth slowly and swallow it all in one. I have a quick drink of my water when it gets stuck in the back of my throat.

"Er- ye' -me'by" I stutter.  
"Maybe? I'm offering you mind blowing sex and the reply I get is maybe?" She snaps and everyone on our table turns to look at us.  
"Don' make a scene" I plead and have another bit of water.

"Maybe you'd rather fuck Harry styles" she snaps.  
"Where'd you ge' t'at idea?" I sigh.  
"Well you were best friends with him in his car this morning"

" 'e gave me a lif' t' college is t'at a crime?" I snap.  
"Well according to Louis you went to his house and were late to football" she challenges.

"Are you fuckin' kidding me? 'e left his car lights on so I went t' tell 'im and 'e gave me a lif' t' footy" i snap again.

"You don't have to snap at me"  
"An' you don' 'ave t' keep tabs on where I am" I bite back.  
"I just find it odd that you didn't tell me he gave you a lift" she challenges again and raise an eye brow at me.

"W'at so now I nee' yer permission on who I can talk t' ?" I ask with disbelief.  
"I'm sorry I don't want my boyfriend in another boys car" she snaps.

" 'e gave me a fuckin' lift 'cos I was late! Wha' t'e hell is yer problem? Zayn gives you a lif' places all t'e time and I don' complain 'bout it. Or do you not trust me?" I challenge back.

"You make it hard to trust you when you lie to me" She snaps.  
"I 'aven't lied!" I shout. I'm aware most of the dinner hall are looking at us but I'm past caring.  
"You were in his car!"  
"You were in Andys bed las' week an' I didn't make a scene!"

Her face drops. "You know?" She asks quietly.  
"Wha'- you think I'm stupid? I wasn't born yesterday ellie"  
"You never said. You never said you knew"

"I was hopin' if I ignored it -it would go 'way. Or you'd respec' me enough t' tell me. 'Stead of laughin' a' me behin' me back"  
"Niall no one was laughing at you" Liam says softly.  
"You knew?" I mutter as my eyes flick to meet his.

He nods softly.

I feel my eyes going blurry and close them to stop the years falling. Everything is silent. No one is speaking or moving or eating. All eyes are on me and I hate it. I've never wanted to disappear more in my entire life.

"Why didn't yah tell me?" I ask liam gently. Trying to keep my emotions in check.  
"I'm sorry- i- no one is laughing at you- I told Ellie to tell you herself!" Liam defends.

"I couldn't. I didn't want to hurt you" Ellie pleads.  
"An' you don' think you 'urt me sleepin' wit' 'im?"  
"I know I did and I'm sorry. But this isn't about me. It's about you and harry"

"T'ere is no me an' 'arry. 'e's me friend is t'at a crime?"  
"You know I can't understand you when you talk like that" she mutters.  
"Like Wha'?"  
"All thick Irish"  
"Well news flash. I am Irish" I snap and stand up to leave. I grab my back and throw my lunch in the bin on my way out.

"Niall! Come on baby. I'll dress up for you tonight yeah? Say sorry properly. Come on I'll give you a quicky in the bathroom" she grins and pulls me to the bathroom.

"Ellie I don't want sex-"  
"-course you do. Who doesn't want sex" she interiors and pulls me to the bathroom.  
"No I don't" I sigh and pull away.  
"Well I do. I have needs too you know and if you aren't prepared to meet them I'll go elsewhere again"

"Tha's why you slep' with 'im?" I ask. Frozen to the spot.  
"You wouldn't so -i went else where" She mumbles.  
"I'd taken a football t' t'e dick an' was in agony. It 'urt for days with out anyone touchin' me never mind tryin' t' get hard" I say in disbelief again.

"I'm sorry" he rolls her eyes at me.  
"Yea. You look it. We're done" I say as firmly as I can before walking down the corridor away from her. I make it to the front doors before the flood gates open and the tears fall.

I head off down the main road heading away from college. I don't know where I'm walking to. I just know I need to get away. It's an hour later when my legs are tired my eyes are burning from crying so much and my head is pounding from dehydration that I stop at a cafe and sit down.

"What can I get you love?" The waitress asks as she comes over to see me.  
"Erm coffee please. Black one sugar" I mutter.  
"Shouldn't you be at school? Or college?" She asks gently.

"Yeah. I should" is all I say before crossing my arms on the table and burying my face in them to hide the tears that are once again falling.

"Here you go love. Do you want me to call someone?" The lady asks once she places the cup on the table. I lift my head up and mumble "thank you and no- I'm okay". I fish in my pocket and hand her a crumpled up £5 note.

I'm not sure how long I sit staring into space and nurse the coffee. I just know that it's long enough that it's cold before I can get round to drinking it. I drink it anyway.

"Niall?" I hear a soft voice call and turn around to see who it is. I should be able to tell from the voice but I'm too miles away to try and put a face and name to the vocals.

" 'arry? Wha' -um wha' are yah doin' 'ere?" I stutter as I'm met with the beautiful face of Harry Styles.

"I work here- after and in between college" He explains and sits down opposite me.  
"I heard you and Ellie had an argument. I'm sorry. I'm sorry you fell out and I hope it wasn't because of me" he says kindly.

"It wasn't -she- she slep' with Andy Greystone" I mutter.  
"What? Why? When?" Like where?" He asks. Completely shocked. Maybe not everyone knew.

"Las' week payno kicked a football t' me and it 'it me in t'e crotch. I was quite um- sore and it was swollen fer a few days. T'at night Ellie wan'ed t' have - um - s- sex and er- when she grabbed it - i- um- I cried -cos it really hurt! An' she laughed an' said 'never mind then' an' lef' not long after. I found out t'at because I couldn't - perform- um- she went elsewhere"

"Niall that is awful. She knew you were in pain down there and still tried to have sex? She must have known it would hurt you"

I just shrug rather than admitting out loud I think she hurt me on purpose.

"Why did you stay with her after that? After she purposely hurt you to the point you cried?" Harry frowns.  
"I on'y cried cos it 'urt" I defend and feel myself pouting.  
"I know. Anyone would have. I'm not judging" He smiles gently.

"So can we talk about this morning?" Harry asks tentively.  
" 'f yah wan' " I mutter and take a sip of the extremely cold coffee.

"You like me? Do- do you think it's a crush? Or Like -you think I'm attractive and are confusing that with thinking you like me?"

"I dunno" I sigh.  
"Do-"

" - Harry? Can you do some work please?" The waitress from earlier asks.  
"Course. Um- I'm sorry- he's my friend and he's having a rough time" harry apologises as he stands and tucks his chair in.

"Okay, 2 minutes yeah?" She smiles a bit softer.  
"Come to my house tonight. I finish at half 5 so any time after 6 and we can talk. We can talk about this yeah?" Harry rushes out leaning over the table to talk to me.

"I don' know w'at t' say t'ough. I can't- can't explain 'ow yah make me feel 'cos I don't know. I don't understan' it" I sigh.

"Well we can figure it out together. Yeah?" He smiles.

I swallow the lump in the back of my throat and offer a small smile with a nod.

 

 

Don't fuck this up niall.


	3. Chapter 3

Niall pov

After my chat with Harry he makes me a warm coffee and I head home. My mum is fuming I walked out of college but once I start crying again she apologies and hugs me close telling me it's okay. She then tells me to snuggle in bed and she'll make me some pizza and a hot chocolate.

Is here I am snuggled under my duvet eating junk food and watching finding dory.

"Niall? Do you want to talk about what happened love?" My mum asks after an hour or so as she pops her head around the door.

"No' really" I grumble with a pout.  
"Hunny you're upset. I think you should talk about it" she soothes as she sits on my bed and pauses my dvd. I regret showing her how to do that.

"I don' wan' t' " I snap defiantly.

"Well I want to know why you skipped college niall. It's not good enough. You're 17 years old and you're going to throw your life away if you don't buck up. You're so smart and you hang around with such bad influences. Why can't you make your own decisions for a change instead of following those friends of yours!" She shouts.

I'm not sure when I started crying again but I did. I don't like being shouted at. It's scary and loud and makes me feel like a disappointment.

"Why are you crying now love?" She sighs.  
"Ellie an' I broke up" I sniffle.  
"Oh darling how come?"  
"She- she slep' with someone else"  
"It doesn't mean anything happened. There's nothing wrong with sharing a bed you and Louis do that all the time-"

"-she admitted t' havin' sex with him" I butt in.  
 "No Ellie wouldn't do that-"  
"- she did!" I shout and scramble out of bed.  
"Where are you going?"  
" 'way from you!" I shout as I leave my room and take the stairs two at a time. I grab y trainers at the bottom at pull them on. I grab my keys and me. Making sure to slam the door extra hard to prove a point.

I'm not see where I'm walking to but my feet take me to the bottom of Harry's drive. I take a few deep breaths before walking up and ringing the bell.

"Hello love can I help?" A woman asks politely.  
"Hi- 'm lookin' fer 'arry. 'M niall" I mumble.  
"Oh of course love. Come in. He's just got back from work so he's in the shower but you can wait for him" she smiles and let's me in the house.

So here I am sat at the kitchen table with Anne (who I've come to learn is Harry's mum) having a cup if tea.

"So how do you know harry?"  
"Er- college. We're a' t'e same one" I stutter.  
"Ah yes. Harry's mentioned you" she winks at me and I feel myself blush. I have a sip of my tea as I don't know what to say to her. How do you respond to that? And for starters I don't know what Harry's told her. He could have slagged me off till the cows came home. Or he could have boasted about how much he loves me. Yeah i don't thinks that's likely either.

"Hey mum have you seen my- oh. niall- hey you're early. I didn't think you'd even show but- hey" Harry stammers as he comes into the kitchen wearing joggers and a loose shirt. Even dressed casual he looks amazing.

"D- d- you wan' me t' go?" I frown.  
"No! No. I'm really glad you're here, I just wasn't sure you'd come. But I'm glad you did" he smiles.

"Shall we go upstairs for a bit? Talk about stuff?" He offers.  
"Uh- yea'. Soun's good" I whisper and follow him up.

"So come in- make yourself comfortable. Do you want a drink or anything?" He smiles as I enter his bedroom. It makes me think of the time I entered demis bedroom. We were supposed to fuck but I chickened out. I tried to put a condom on the night before, have a bit of practise, and couldn't do it. I tried 14 times.

I know Harry isn't expecting anything but there's a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that I'm going to mess this up and lose him. And that's worse than being laughed at by demi.

" 'm goo' t'anks. Got me tea" I mumble and gesture to the cup I brought up with me.

Harry's room is pretty big (bigger than mine) he has a double bed with some abstract patterned duvet cover and white walls with orange decor.

" 's Orange yer favourite colour?" I ask as I sit on his bed and rest my cup on his desk.  
"Yeah. Keeps changing but I always come back to Orange"

He smiles. I return his smile and let out a small puff of air through tense lips.

"So- I'm coming to the conclusion you're nervous and aren't going to kick this conversation off so I will. Am I okay to ask you some questions- try help you figure things out?" He asks me gently.

"Yea- course" I nod a little bit.

"Do you want to talk about you and Ellie first or the sexuality issue?"

"M- um- ellie. 'F t'at's okay? Ge' it out of t'e way."  
"Yeah that's not a problem. So - I know what happened. How- how does it make you feel?" He asks kindly.

"Stupid fer datin' her t'at long i t'ink. I jus' feel like everyone wa' laughin' a' me behind me back an' no one t'ought enough of me t' tell me" I sigh.

"Niall no-one was thinking that. I didn't know and if I did- I'd have told you. I don't think anyone was laughing at you and they should have told you. No friend would stand back and not say anything- but sometimes thinks don't work like that. They might have had your best interests at heart- and just- made the wrong decision"

"Never t'ought of i' t'at way" I ponder. That's an interesting concept.  
"Do you still love her? You knew she cheated and didn't leave her-"

"-i on'y foun' ou' two days ago. Wan'ed her t' tell me 'erself" I but in.  
"So you wanted to make thinks work? If you didn't - you'd have come clean that you knew and ended it there and then but you didn't - meaning you wanted to work though it"

"A' t'e time I did. T'en I got chattin' t' you an' - don' pull t'at face- 'm not blamin' you- you made me realise she wa' poison. She 'urt me on purpose- physically and emotionally and still wasn't even sorry. I t'ink I deserve better t'an t'at" I say honestly. 

It's a relief to be able to talk to someone about this. Someone who will listen to me and won't judge me. But also someone willing to go through my head with me and see what's going on. Someone willing to spend time sorting through my thoughts and feelings to try and make sense of them.

"You do deserve better. You deserve the world and everything in it" he says firmly.

I don't know what to reply to that so I duck my head with a blush and smile at my hands

"Okay so- you've never been with a boy- like at all- never kissed or touched or dated?"

"Never t'ought 'bout another boy- not even like- oh he's cute or he's attractive" I say a bit more confidently now the Ellie thing is done with.

"Okay so what's changed?" He says casually.  
"You and yer like long legs an' manly arms an' your perfect face" I smirk even though want I'm saying is true.

He laughs at that. Like a full on belly laugh. How is imagine Santa sounds like laughing.

"Perfect face" he laughs and hides his face in his hands.  
"Shudd up" I pout and shove him side wards slightly whilst I laugh with him. 

"Sorry- sorry that was funny" he laughs as he calls down and starts breathing normally again.

"So-"  
"Do you like me? Like as more than a friend?" I but I and look at him with a curious face.  
"Why does that matter?" He laughs but it's forced.  
"Well there's no poin' figurin' out if I fancy you if yah don't like me back" I say quietly.

I never thought I'd worry about being rejected. Not because I think I'm amazing but the only person I've ever liked was Ellie and she's been all over me since year 8. But now it's sinking in that Harry could like someone else. As he said before, just because he's gay, doesn't mean he fancies every guy he sees.

 

"Niall- I'd rather help figure you out first. My feeling are irrelevant at the moment-" he starts but I cut him off.

"- no they aren't! You matter as well" I say bluntly.  
"Thank you but- let's sort you out first-"  
"- So you don't fancy me?" I whisper. I didn't think it would bother me as much as it does.

"Niall-"  
"-yes o' no. Don' sugar coat it" I say firmly. As hard as it is - I need to know. My eyes are locked on his and I've never wanted to kiss someone as much as I do now.

I break his gaze and wipe the first year away. Looking at my hands now instead of his.  
"Yes" he says simply as he wipes the few more tears that are falling.

 

I frown at first, Like it hasn't sunk in yet what has said. I flick my eyes back up to meet his and he's smiling nervously at me.

"Y- yes? You- li- like me?"  
"I do. I really do. I wasn't going to say anything until you'd figured your own head out. I didn't want you to feel pressured or obliged to - Do things or date me" he says softly.

"I don't- i- 'm 'fused. But not 'bout how I feel 'bout you. I really like you- an' I can see me-self with you- but- I don't find other boys attractive. Is t'at wrong?"

"No- of course not. Nothing you ever feel is wrong. Ni- some times people feel like that. But it doesn't make you wrong darling" he smiles.  
"But- I- I- don't know anyt'ing 'bout being gay"  
"Well- I don't know anything about being straight. But I imagine it's pretty much the same emotionally and mentally. Physically there are some differences and sexually- it's the opostie?"

"T'e opposite?" I smirk at his choice of word but I know he's trying.  
"Well with straight people the guy goes inside- so with gay people you have to choose who's -going inside" he stammers- face bright red.

"Like- in- inside t'e -um back?" I flush and look at my hands again. I feel like a virgin all over again. Clueless and naive and innocent.

"Yeah- ni we don't have to talk about this- we can- but it doesnt have to be yet"  
"I- don't know how t' fuck a guy" I half blurt out half mumble.  
"Who says you're topping" Harry smirks and I feel like a dear caught in headlights. Eyes wide, both shocked and scared at the same time. But dare I say it- a little exited too.

" 'M not spreadin' me legs. You can" I mumble.  
"Well when you put it like that I would be honoured" he laughs sarcastically. We both burst into giggles. Not small ones. Like full on snorting- can't breathe- out of breath- doubled over each other.

It takes a few minutes but we do calm down - eventually.

"So wha' d' we do now?" I giggle.

"If you're ready- I'd like to kiss you" he says gently.  
I flick my eyes to his lips and lick my own as I nod slowly but surely. I want this.

"When you were with Ellie- did you- were you dominant or was she in control?" He asks cautiously.  
I frown and don't answer. How do I tell him that she was always in control and laughed whenever I tried to assert dominance.

"Ni I'm not judging you- it's so I know what you'll enjoy more. So I can make it pleasurable for you"  
"I dunno wha' I'll 'joy t'ough"  
"Well we can experiment then. But I was just wondering if you'd rather take the lead?" he offers.

I hesitate. I don't want to take the lead because then he'll realise I've only kissed one person and don't really know what I'm doing. But at the same time I don't want to not take the lead because then he'll realise anyway.

"Can- can you- um- take- charge" I whisper as I once again look at my hands. I don't feel worthy of him. I feel like he's so much better than me and I don't deserve to even know him never mind get the chance to kiss him.

"Course- are you comfortable with that?" He smiles and kneels up to shuffle closer to me.  
I once again nod but don't say anything and he cups my face with one of his softy yet very large hands.

I'm sat with my back against the wall and he's kneeling in front of me. Giving him an even larger height advantage. His thumb is rubbing softly against my cheek and he keeps looking down at my lips then back to my eyes. As if questioning if I still want this.

 

I offer him a small -very nervous- smile and his lips meet mine.


	4. Chapter 4

Niall pov

Kissing Harry is so much better than kissing ellie. He knows what he's doing but doesn't try to highlight the fact that I don't. He guides me instead of trying to over-power me which I appreciate.

He kisses me softly, with no pressure or urgency. It's nice and slow and I don't feel obligated to do anything further. I also don't feel like I'm running a marathon trying to keep up with him.

Harry pulls back first and smiles at me before pecking my lips twice and claiming he's hungry.

"Have you eaten?" He asks softly and I shake my head, unable to speak as my brain is mush.  
"Chinese?"  
"Yeah. Um sounds good" I whisper and he smiles before climbing off the bed and grabbing his phone to order it.

"Do you want rice or chips?" He asks as he finds the number.  
"Chips. Please. Can yah make sure it's chi'ken? I don' like any ot'er curry" I smile sheepishly.  
"Course" he grins and then starts speaking to the person on the other side.

An hour later Harry and I are sprawled out on his bed talking. The empty curry plates are in a messy pile on the floor and Avatar on in the background but we're more focused on playing 20 questions.

"Are you a man?" Harry grins.  
"Yes"  
"Are you an actor?"  
"No" I laugh.  
"Singer?"  
"Yes"  
"Are you currently in the charts?"  
"Yes"  
"Are you British?" He frowns. I love the way he says 'British'. He pronounces the 't' and it just makes the word sound perfect coming out of his mouth.

"No" I shake my head.  
"Are you Irish?" He smirks.  
"I am. Bu' m' person isn't"  
"6 down. Erm. Are you American?"

"Um. Let me check" I mumble. I'm technically Canadian but I failed geography and don't know if that's classed as america.

I have a quick Google and confirm "north America to be precise".

"Right so. There's 23 different countries in North America, so, you're either from;

Antigua, Barbuda, Bahamas, Barbados, Belize, Canada -   erm then there's -

Costa Rica Cuba, Dominica, Dominican Republic, Salvador, Grenada, Guatemala Haiti, Honduras, whats after that? Erm- oh!! 

Jamaica, Mexico, Nicaragua, Panama, Saint Kitts and Nevis Saint Lucia, Saint Vincent and Grenadines, Trinidad and Tobago, United States of America" he lists off, counting on his fingers as he goes and my face drops. How the fuck does he know all this!? He's like, like a super nerd or something!

"But. I happen to know you're a bieber fan so I'm guessing you're Justin bieber" he smirks. The little shit. He knew all along!

"You little shit. You knew!!" I complain.  
"It was obvious! You get this little shy smile on your face when you listen to his music and you had the same smile"

"Cheater"  
"I am Not! Okay my turn- right-  got one. Go"

"Are you a man?" I smile shaking my head.  
"Yes"  
"Okay- um popstar?"  
"Nope"  
"Actor?"  
"Nope" he says, popping the 'p'.  
"Erm- Are you- on tv?"

"Yes"  
"Presenter?"  
"Yes"  
"Part of a double act?"  
"No"  
"Keith Lemon?" I quiz.  
"Nope"

"Harry Hill?"  
"Nope. You'll run out if guesses if you just keep saying names" Harry laughs.

"Nick Grimshaw? Nah, wait 'e's a radio guy. Bu' 'e's a radio presenter, so t'at could count. Are yah grimmy?" I mumble more to myself.  
"Nope"

"James cordon?" I sigh.  
"Yep" he grins.  
"Really?" I squeal.  
"Really really" he agrees.

"Boys it's getting late. Is niall staying over?" Anne asks as she pops her head around the door.  
"You can if you want" Harry offers.  
"Um. Ye'. T'anks. Let me -um- tell me mam" I stutter. For some reason the idea of sleeping in the same bed as Harry has be both nervous but excited.

I quickly grab my phone and text her to let her know where i am and that I'm staying over. I then see 2 missed calls from Louis. I'm about to ignore them, but as I lock my phone he calls again, so I sigh but answer.

"Hey Louis. Wha's up?"  
"Well thank you for answering your phone. It's about time" he half snaps.  
"I was busy" I mutter.  
"Doing What?" He half snaps/ half laughs.  
"None of your business" I snap.

"Okay Mr defensive. Geez. Someone hasn't been laid in a while. Why don't you ring Ellie and get a blowy to chill you out"

"What do you want?" I sigh, completely avoiding the topic he was on.  
"I'm outside your house and according to your mum, you aren't here. Where are you?" He grumbles.

"I'm- uh- a' a friend's" I lie and try not to meet Harry's eyes as I do. I can tell he's hurt by what I said because he frowns and sighs softly before looking at his hands.

I grab his hands with my spare one and squeeze it reassuringly and he looks up in shock, obviously not expecting me to do that. He then smiles gently at me.

"Which friend? I'm your only friend and I'm not with you. So where are you? Are you at your boyfriends?" He taunts.  
"I don' 'ave a boyfriend louis" I sigh.

"So you know who I mean. You are aren't you? At Harry's?"  
"Yah. Yah I am" I say with a little bit more confidence than before.  
"Awe. That's disgusting" Louis gips.

"Wha' is? 'e's me friend an' we're 'angin' ou'. 's not'in' me an' you 'aven't done plen'y 'a times"

"Well I know you're lying because your accent is more defined when you lie. So how far did you go? Have you blown him yet? Have you let him fuck you yet? Oh! Did you manage to try your handcuff kink-"

That's as far as he gets before I hang up on him and throw my phone on Harry's bed side cupboard, my face bright read from the handcuff comment. He got me really drunk and I made me tell him something I want to try in the bedroom that me and Ellie haven't done yet. I confessed about the handcuffs and haven't been able to live it down since.

"I shou' go" I mumble, rather gutted i have to leave. I'm enjoying being with harry. He makes me happy. Like genuinely happy. But, the last thing I want, is Louis starting rumours about me and Harry before we've even figured things out ourselves.

"Why? You were happy to stay before talking to louis. What has he said to change things?" Harry whispers, looking genuinely traumatised that I'm not staying.

"I jus' - I don' wan' 'im spreadin' shit. Not 'fore we've figure' 'tuff ou' " I say honestly

"Why do you care what he thinks? He's a shite friend and an even worse gossip. If he wants to spread a rumour- regardless or how true it is- he will. Don't deny yourself things to please someone who doesn't deserve you niall. I really like you and I know you like me. I'm not asking you to marry me and I'm not asking you to stay so I can get laid- I couldn't care less about that.  I know when you're ready, you'll tell me and when you do, we can go from there. I get if you want to keep this on the down low and not broadcast it and I'll respect that. But don't deny yourself things for him. Please" Harry begs.

"Kay. I'll- I'll um- stay. If the offers still there" I mumble with a shy grin.  
"Course it is! What do you usually sleep in? Do you want some joggers ?"

"Um, yeah. Yeah please" I stutter. I normally sleep in boxers, but, I've never even shared a bed with another boy before, never mind one that I like, so if rather have clothes on.

Harry hands me some light grey joggers and a shirt and offers to get changed in the bathroom, allowing me to get changed in his room.

I pull my jeans off and dump them on his chair before pulling the joggers on. I then take my short off and dump that. But don't replace it. I can't stand sleeping in a t-shirt.

"Hey, you done?" Harry asks through the door.  
"Yeah"

HE comes in wearing joggers and a shirt also and stares at my bare chest.

"Can- can we have a snack?" I whisper to Harry.  
"Yeah course. What do you want?"  
"Can we have nutty-mayo spoons?"

"I- I um -don't- I don't know what that is?" Harry stutters.  
"It's just mayo, that you eat out of the jar with a spoon and then sprinkle crunchy nuts over it"

"That sounds disgusting" Harry says skeptically with one eye brow raised.

"It is bu'- bu'- when i wa' younger an' me da' an' mum work late- I had to make lunch an'- I was six so I couldn't cook. Guess t'e habit 'as jus' - stuck?" I shrug.

"Disgusting Mayo nuts coming up babe" Harry whispers into my lips before pecking them softly.


End file.
